Trayvon Martin's Stepmother Speaks Out on the Dr. Phil Show

Yesterday I watched an episode of the Dr. Phil Show which featured Alicia Martin, stepmother of Trayvon Martin, along with best friends of George Zimmerman - the man charged in Trayvon's death.


Photo Credit: http://miami.cbslocal.com/2012/04/12/121914/

What really caught my attention was the way in which Zimmerman's friends tried to portray him as this upstanding guy who was not the aggressor, but a man who feared for his life at the hands of young, innocent Trayvon. To me it just seemed like such BS. I was saddened by the fact that Trayvon's stepmom, Alicia Martin had to sit through all of this talk. She had her turn to speak and it brought me to tears as she poured her heart out about the young man who she helped raise when his parents divorced. She was a part of his life for many years and he was a part of her family. For the last five years, Trayvon stayed at Alicia and his father's home during summers, and numerous holidays. She was helping her mate, who is Trayvon's father, and Trayvon was close to her children as well. At one point she stated, “I didn’t give birth to him but he was my son, to know that he died the way that he died, he shouldn’t have never died like that.”

Why I wanted to share about Trayvon's stepmother and what happened on the Dr. Phil show here on Baby Momma Love, because here we discuss raising children from past mates, being in a relationship or married to someone with children - and our influence in these children's lives.

I want to remind all women who are biological mothers or a mother because you are helping to raise your mate's child(ren) that you are a big part of that child's life, and if something tragic should happen that you are just as much affected as the actual parents. I couldn't imagine my stepchild being with me or staying with me and a tragedy like the Trayvon Martin case happens. Life is short, we never know what could happen - take the time to tell your child(ren) you love them everyday, and if you are a stepparent do everything in your power to nurture the relationship with your stepchild(ren). I could see it in Alicia's eyes, she loved Trayvon, and I am sure she treated him as if he was her very own.



I salute Alicia Martin for her strength, and dedication to making sure that justice is served in the death of her stepson. Thank you for being a great example of a stepmother, and for the love you have provided to Trayvon over the years.

God Bless You!

Peace and Always Love,
Team Baby Momma #22

Something to Make You Go Hmmm...

I love visiting other blogs and reading posts related to parenting, single mothers/fathers, family and the like. Tonight I came across an interesting read and wanted to share with my BabyMommaLove Family. Please visit the following link and check out the post, it's entitled Raise Your Hand High - I found it to be very thought provoking, and it was definitely something that made me go...Hmmmmmmmm.

Happy Reading, Discovering & Growing!

http://www.weddedblissinc.com/Wedded_Bliss_Foundation/Marriage,_Please_Blog/Entries/2011/9/22_Raise_Your_Hands_High!!.html

Harlem Church Hosts Celebrity Panel On Fatherhood

This past Friday, August 31, 2012 First Corinthian Baptist Church (FCBC) located in Harlem - New York City, hosted it's first ever Celebrity Panel Discussion on Fatherhood. It was a huge turnout for a topic that certainly needed to be addressed within the Harlem community, where there is a large population of single parents, as well as young parents who most definitely benefitted from a panel disucussion of this kind.

The celebrity panel consisted of Hip-Hop Artist - Styles P., Amare Stoudemire of the New York Knicks, NBA Veteran/Author - Etan Thomas, New York Knicks Assistant General Manager/Retired NBA Player - Allan Houston, Actor/Singer-Songwriter - Chaz Lamar Shepherd and American Sports Analyst for ESPN - Chris Broussard. FCBC's Pastor Michael A. Walrond Jr. served as the moderator for the evening.



Families of all sorts gathered to hear stories, get advice, begin the healing process within their own lives, as these celebrity fathers shared their stories of fatherhood or their survival from growing up in a single-parent household. Mother's were able to gain insight on issues that have plagued their families for generations, words spoken allowed women and men to examine certain feelings that they have either buried deep within or have been to angry or hurt to express. For some women it was a relief to be a part of a discussion that we have been having amongst our sista-friends for so long, so to hear from the men on fatherhood was a treat.

The questions were relevant, thought provoking, solution centered and appropriate. The panelists were well spoken, answered from the heart, provided great information as well as a deeper insight into the role they play as fathers.

Three amazing spoken-word artist set the tone when they kicked off the evening with their powerful poetry/prose based on the evening's topic. Spoken-word artists: J. Ivy, Messiah Ramkissoon and Julian Thomas.

Thank you to FCBC and Pastor Michael A. Walrond for putting together such a wonderful event which was so beneficial to the community-at-large. We need events such as this which serve to make an impact through real dialogue, useful information, relatable people and a forum for healing.

Ladies, my words to you - love and respect yourself, allow growth to take place in your life, be smart in your quest for love, seek help if and when needed, if you already have children - be the best parent you can be with what you have, and if you are co-parenting - do it in the most harmonious way as possible - allow the father to be a father; if you don't have children - make sure you take the time to be with and get to know the man you intend on having children with - make wise decisions. And remember all actions have consequences...

Panelist Etan Thomas wrote a book entitled Fatherhood - Rising to the Ultimate Challenge which is what brought this group of committed fathers together. Pick up a copy as a gift to your child's father, husband, boyfriend, friend, or any man or young man in your life who is a father.

Peace and Always Love,
Team Baby Momma #22

Quote from Reality Show Hollywood Exes...

"I consider them friends, I don't have Baby Mommas' cause I don't have no drama!" ~ Percy

The above quote was made by a gentleman named Percy to Andrea (R. Kelly's Ex-wife) - during one of their dates on the reality tv show "Hollywood Exes."

I thought it was an interesting quote, although it highlighted the fact that most people associate a baby momma with drama. It's beautiful that he calls them friends, and it is even more beautiful that he obviously doesn't experience the "drama" which most men claim to go thru with their respective baby mommas.

Shout out to Percy and his friends:) I didn't see him on the "Hollywood Exes" season finale show which aired yesterday, Wednesday - August 29th; but let me not jump to any conclusions - he could still be in the running.

What are your thoughts on Percy and his term of endearment towards his baby mommas?

Peace and Love,
Team Baby Momma #22

College Bound...Co-Parents and Travel

There are many single mothers out there who have young adults who graduated from HS this past June, and are now headed to college. What happens when it's time to get your child to college and you are co-parenting with a past mate? What if you are single, in a live-in relationship with someone else, or just in a relationship? What if your baby daddy is now married, in a relationship or in a live-in one - how does that affect you both as parents as you make preparations to get your young adult to college when there is travel involved?

Well, I'm a single mother and recently experienced traveling with my child's father as we made an eight to nine hour drive to get our son to college. I don't drive, he does, so in my mind there would be no question about how my child would get to school when he has a father that drives and with a car. I never even gave thought to the fact that we would have to be on the road for such a long period of time, and have to drive back together - just the two of us. We get along well and we are at a good place at this time, so I figured the trip would be cool; we would have some laughs, shed some tears as we left our child to start his next phase in life - and be on our way back.



All of the aforementioned happened, but on the way down there was some tension as a conversation came up about a conflict that we experienced years ago during a time when he was not always present in his child's life, and sadly not being the best dad he could be. And in the midst of that conflict was his then girlfriend, now wife. Oh, and did I mention that his car was in the shop and he had to use his wife's car to drive our son back to school...I found this out when he arrived to pick us up. What I also found out is that she didn't know I was going. He said he felt it was easier and best not to let her know that. He asked me if I was married what I would have done, my reply was "If I was married, me and my mate would be driving down meeting you there, we would all be going together; or you and I would be going like we are now, it would be automatic and definitely not an issue." He also said "well you know how women are, they always think that something may go on with the baby momma," I was shocked as hell to hear a statement like that! Especially because my son's father and I have not been together for over 15 years; so why would his wife even have a thought like that when it came to us. It was not a good feeling, all I could say was "who would think that a mother would not be going to take her only child to start his/her first year as they move-in for college." The tension was short lived, and we continued on - made it there safely and right on time.



During the move-in we were good, but at one point he did get on my nerves and I felt like he was looking to try and start with me; I was already very emotional, as I would soon be leaving my one and only child on campus more than eight hours away from home:(

In that instance I just thought about how men always try to make it seem like their Baby Momma is insensitive, the one with the problem, loud or less than...pick one. Or when they over compensate by talking about their significant other, as if to put them on a pedestal. I'm always happy for anyone who finds love, and exhibits a significant level of growth through time and maturity. But in the end, you know what your experience was, and the choices that your past mate made which contributed to your not wanting to continue in a relationship with him.

My advice to me, celebrate the beautiful gift from God that the two of you created, acknowledge the progress made as co-parents, love unconditionally and always smile. Remember the role that you played in getting your child to where he or she is at that moment, and celebrate your strength as a single mom!


Peace and Always Love,
Team Baby Momma #22

The Single Black Woman

There are many Black Women who are Single, we wanted to look at the "Why" please answer this question via a poll that was posted on the "Black Women Stand Up" Blog.

Share your thoughts on this issue by commenting below, but please take a moment and answer the poll question, thank you.

http://blackwomenstandup.wordpress.com/2012/07/26/poll-question-why-are-so-many-black-women-single-vote-now/

Pregnant, Single & Looking for a New Love...

Do you remember the song, "I'm Looking for a New Love", I believe Jody Watley sang it, it had a nice melody and you would always see the ladies on the dance floor with their hands in the air vibing and singing along "I'm looking for a new love baby, a new love baby, yeah yeah yeah!!!

Well, what do you think about a pregnant woman who is about to give birth in a short amount of time, and set on finding a New Love before she gives birth?

I posed this question because I recently watched an episode of Pregnant in Heels - a television show that airs on the Bravo network about a woman named Rosie Pope who is a Baby Conceirge, she also owns the Rosie Pope Maternity Boutique in New York City and Los Angeles. Anywho, one of Rose's clients was an ex-model named Akua, who was very pregnant, yes very:) she wanted Rosie's help in finding a New Love before the birth of her baby. I was intrigued as I watched, I know that people have strange requests, and this may not be along the lines of strange, but nevertheless it had my attention. I write about this, because it was so interesting watching the steps Rosie took in her efforts to get Ms. Akua ready to date while pregnant.

Even with all the coaching, Akua managed to screw up the date by saying many of the wrong things, which Rosie had already warned her to stay away from. During the date Akua was wired, and had an earpiece so that Rosie could monitor how things were going an alert her when she needed to switch gears. Unfortunately, it didn't work out, but Akua learned a valuable lesson.

Photo below from Bravo - Episode 8: The Pregnancy Dating Dilemma

Rosie meets Akua, a soon-to-be single mom who's determined to find a man now.
PREMIERE: Tuesday July 3, 10 pm - visit link here: http://www.bravotv.com/pregnant-in-heels/season-2/episode-8-the-pregnancy-dating-dilemma

At one point Akua said to Rosie "I just really want Love in my life," and Rosie had to remind her that she had Love, just a different kind. This Baby Momma (Akua) learned that she didn't need a man before she gave birth to complete her puzzle, that she already had all the love and support she would need at that time. It was a bittersweet ending. She gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy. She had the support of her Girlfriends, who were a big part of her life, and definitely in her corner; and in three months she began dating again!

There are many women out there like Akua, who feel a certain way because they got pregnant and the man who they thought was Mr. Right, turns out to be Mr. Oh So Wrong. You have to remember that life is about taking chances, we can never predict how the future will turn out, but we must have Faith and Believe that whatever we are faced with, that we can get through it, and make it out alright. We have choices, and when You choose to bring a child into this world, You have to realize that You just may end up raising that child alone. When men don't step up and handle their responsibility, it is not a reflection on you, it is their own Mess, and it's up to them to come to that realization and get whatever help they need in order to move forward and do what a Real Man is suppose to do! I don't believe that a woman would just want to be a Single Mother if she doesn't have to be, and being a Single Mother doesn't mean you are cursed and won't ever find true love or that you don't deserve true love.


Remember it is Doable, Love is there for you, You just have to be ready to receive it. That means focus on Loving Yourself, and Your Child correctly - then you can be open to receive Love from the Man of Your Dreams - when He shows up in your life.

Ladies, keep your head up, Love is there for you - But you have to realize that it may come in a different way than what you expected at first.

There is no Love Like the Love of a Baby Momma:)

Peace and Love,
Team Baby Momma #22

A Mother's Reflection

Wow, July has come in so quick; had a great 4th of July Holiday and today I sit here and reflect on the last couple of weeks. For me, June was a big turning point in my life as a parent. My child graduated from Highschool! It seems like we wait for this moment from when our children start Pre-K.

This signifies, a new beginning for not only the child but parents as well. For the single parent, it is a whole other feeling. You think about all the blood, sweat and tears...yes, I've had to deal with that phone call you get at work alerting you that your child was hurt, sick or whatever the case; all a part of being a parent. Hoping that this doesn't mean I'm gonna have to miss work, or please don't let them say the word "suspension", who's gonna watch him/her - a single parent's nightmare.

Anyway, that feeling when you see your child walk down that aisle, then go up on that stage to receive that diploma - is such a wonderful feeling, and one of a parent's most proud moments!!! It makes all that you had to go through during the last 12 years all worth it:) I am so proud of my child, and although I was filled with excitment, it was also a scary time because I know what's ahead. You can only hope that you have equipped your child to move forward ready to begin his/her next phase with Confidence, Integrity, Fearlessness, Excitement & the Ability to deal with all types of People; where they can handle themselves in the most toughest of situations.

For my child, college is the next phase, and I am so Happy! I wish him nothing but BETTER days ahead, I want him to learn, explore, grow and never be satisfied with with complaceny. Take chances, study abroad, travel and have fun while doing it; be an ADVENTURER, SET TRENDS and Always Be a LEADER:)

This has been a Mother's Reflection...Congratulations to all the other Mothers out there who have young men or woman who have Graduated from HS this past June of 2012, I Salute You!!!


With Love,
Team Baby Momma #22

A Mother's Love - R.I.P. Trayvon Martin

I am My Sistah's Keeper

On Februrary 26, 2012 yet another tragedy took place that made everyone stop; and have to look at our Beloved America and its Justice System with a side-eye. On this day an innocent, unarmed 17 year old black male by the name of Trayvon Martin was gunned down in a suburban, gated community in Sanford, Florida. It was weeks later that the uneasiness of many Americans began to spread with regards to the handling, or lack thereof on bringing the shooter to justice - who in this case is a white male named George Zimmerman.

On March 21st people took to the streets here in New York City for a rally and to stand in solidarity with the parents of Trayvon Martin - Tracy Martin and Sybrina Fulton. Thousands donned hoodies as representative of what Trayvon was wearing the evening that his life was lost. I too, rocked my hoodie - took my pic, signed the petition for justice and had countless conversations re: this sudden tragedy. I have been wanting to write something to express my sadness, anger, embarrassment of Beloved America's justice system, and to pay my respects to Trayvon. But I could not do it, there has been and continues to be so much going on in my head with regards to this horrific tragedy. I am Trayvon Martin, many have cried out for we know that at any given time, that can be any of us - our sons, fathers, brothers, uncles etc. Because this is what we are faced with being Black here in Beloved America! But aside from that, I write this today as a MOM, I am Sybrina Fulton - because her son is my son.

Sybrina, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Trayvon, who became our precious Trayvon.

I write this still dazed and confused by all of the ridiculousness involved with bringing the killer to justice. I grieve with you and for you, and I stand in solidarity with YOU for I am My Sistah's Keeper! The love a mother has for her son, is one of the most awesome loves, we MOMS have this unspoken bond with our boys, they are our babies and we want to do everything in our power to protect them from the harsh realities that we know they will be faced with as they grow up in this scary place called America. We know the deep-rooted hate, fear and whatever else most non-black people have for our boys/men. As we watch them develop, all we can do is pray and prepare them for what they may face as we hope they will live long enough to become MEN. We love our sons unconditionally, they are our pride and joy.

I will forever be uneasy as my teenage son (who is only one year older than Trayvon) walks out of the door each day. Just the other morning he left out for school and for some reason he didn't give me his normal kiss with his usual words of "I'm leaving Mommy, love you have a good day." I just heard the door slam and he did not hear me call after him, nor did he hear me calling him out of the window because he had his music player on. For the rest of the day I was on pins and needles, I started to call the school to leave a message for him to call me, but didn't. When he came home, I was frazzled and wanted to know why he didn't say goodbye, he said he was running late and that he called out goodbye; but that was not the same as hearing him say it, as he kisses me on my cheek. This is our routine, there isn't a day that goes by that we don't hear the words I love you from the other. This is what we as Black Mothers have to live with, wondering if our precious boys or other men in our life will make it back home alive, or will they run into super cop or as in this case, super neighborhood watchman with a gun just looking for a reason...



Peace and Love,
By
Team Baby Momma #22