College Bound...Co-Parents and Travel

There are many single mothers out there who have young adults who graduated from HS this past June, and are now headed to college. What happens when it's time to get your child to college and you are co-parenting with a past mate? What if you are single, in a live-in relationship with someone else, or just in a relationship? What if your baby daddy is now married, in a relationship or in a live-in one - how does that affect you both as parents as you make preparations to get your young adult to college when there is travel involved?

Well, I'm a single mother and recently experienced traveling with my child's father as we made an eight to nine hour drive to get our son to college. I don't drive, he does, so in my mind there would be no question about how my child would get to school when he has a father that drives and with a car. I never even gave thought to the fact that we would have to be on the road for such a long period of time, and have to drive back together - just the two of us. We get along well and we are at a good place at this time, so I figured the trip would be cool; we would have some laughs, shed some tears as we left our child to start his next phase in life - and be on our way back.



All of the aforementioned happened, but on the way down there was some tension as a conversation came up about a conflict that we experienced years ago during a time when he was not always present in his child's life, and sadly not being the best dad he could be. And in the midst of that conflict was his then girlfriend, now wife. Oh, and did I mention that his car was in the shop and he had to use his wife's car to drive our son back to school...I found this out when he arrived to pick us up. What I also found out is that she didn't know I was going. He said he felt it was easier and best not to let her know that. He asked me if I was married what I would have done, my reply was "If I was married, me and my mate would be driving down meeting you there, we would all be going together; or you and I would be going like we are now, it would be automatic and definitely not an issue." He also said "well you know how women are, they always think that something may go on with the baby momma," I was shocked as hell to hear a statement like that! Especially because my son's father and I have not been together for over 15 years; so why would his wife even have a thought like that when it came to us. It was not a good feeling, all I could say was "who would think that a mother would not be going to take her only child to start his/her first year as they move-in for college." The tension was short lived, and we continued on - made it there safely and right on time.



During the move-in we were good, but at one point he did get on my nerves and I felt like he was looking to try and start with me; I was already very emotional, as I would soon be leaving my one and only child on campus more than eight hours away from home:(

In that instance I just thought about how men always try to make it seem like their Baby Momma is insensitive, the one with the problem, loud or less than...pick one. Or when they over compensate by talking about their significant other, as if to put them on a pedestal. I'm always happy for anyone who finds love, and exhibits a significant level of growth through time and maturity. But in the end, you know what your experience was, and the choices that your past mate made which contributed to your not wanting to continue in a relationship with him.

My advice to me, celebrate the beautiful gift from God that the two of you created, acknowledge the progress made as co-parents, love unconditionally and always smile. Remember the role that you played in getting your child to where he or she is at that moment, and celebrate your strength as a single mom!


Peace and Always Love,
Team Baby Momma #22

The Reality of The Real Housewives of Atlanta

There is always some question as to the validity of the story lines with some of these reality shows. But the reality of the Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA)is that these are real women with the same issues that everyday women like you and I go through. Sheree's reality was played out on this past Sunday's episode 12/4/11, as she dealt with the reality of her ex-husband who has not paid child support in four years. The words, emotions and reactions were all too real, and I felt her pain.

I have been watching the "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" since season 1; so I am clear on what's been going on, and have been following the story lines pertaining to each woman. One thing that has been constant since that first season is Sheree's baby daddy, Bob Whitfield and his lack of child support payments. Basically, he has not paid child support in the last four years, and he believes that he should not have to. What is wrong with this picture?

Watching it play out, really saddened me as Sheree calmly asked him about paying. It is my understanding that they are divorced and she was awarded a substantial divorce settlement...which she still has yet to receive. They seem to have gotten the visitation thing down, as the children have their time that they spend at their dad's place, based on his response about them having rooms at his house; as if having a room at his house takes the place of his paying child support...laughable.

Is this man that bitter that he has to deny her what she is due to prove some kind of ignorant point? Do you think he really believes that it requires no money to raise two children? There is some underlying resentment on his end, and why? That is something that he needs to figure out, by either getting professional help, or making a personal committment to self-healing and growth.

My main point in bringing this whole situation up has to do with Sheree not wanting to go back to court, if it requires putting her children's father in jail. I understand how one may feel, no one wants to look like the bad guy:( Or is it a case of being labeled the angry, evil, bitter, black baby momma who wants to see him suffer by putting him in jail? By Sheree exercising her right to go to court, doesn't make her a bad person, nor does it become her fault if they decide to throw him in jail. If he doesn't have the money, why not at least make some type of agreement to paying something, which he could have done with Sheree during their private time. Instead, he just flat out says he is not paying because she is doing what she needs to do and moving forward...so unfair.

I saw Sheree in a whole new light during this episode, even faced with the reality that she may never get her child support, the tears dropped as she grappled with feeling like she would be the cause of putting her children's father in jail. She can't be that bad a person if she is still considering his feelings, as well as what her children would think if they found out. Bob Whitfield seems like the type who would play victim, even to his children - all with the intent on making them believe that their mother did this to him because she is money hungry and mean.

Good luck Sheree! in the end, you have to do what is best for you and your children. God got you:)

Would love to hear other's feelings on this, please share - you never know who could benefit by what you have to say - Thank you.

Check out this Clip of the Confrontation from 12/4/11 Episode: (Link provided by Huff Post - Black Voices)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/05/the-real-housewives-of-atlanta-sheree-child-support_n_1129233.html

By Team Baby Momma #22

His Baby Mama

Are you in a relationship with a man who has children, or have you ever been in one? What was it like, did he and his baby mama have a good relationship, and were they able to co-parent in a harmonious way?

Personally, I have been in many relationships with men who had children, some serious and some not so serious. I have experienced the ones who always had something negative to say about their child's mother or some who were probably still sleeping with their baby mama, but tried so hard to hide that fact by having mean or bad things to say about her. Either way, why is it so hard for men/women to move on and co-parent in a loving and healthy way?

What is it about HIS BABY MAMA? Is HIS BABY MAMA making it difficult for him to have a relationship with his child? Is HIS BABY MAMA in a relationship herself and dealing with a guy who is insecure about the child's father? Is HIS BABY MAMA still in love with him, and have not gotten over the fact that they are no longer together? Is HIS BABY MAMA actually a nice woman who he may not be over?

There are so many scenarios, some that can actually evolve into wonderful functioning co-parent relationships, but may require both parents getting over him/herself & working things out for the sake of their children. If both would look at the situation in terms of being adults who use to have some kind of love for each other, and wish each other the best and do what needs to be done in order to be the best parents they can be...Change Gonna Come! And unfortunately there are those scenarios that seem like they will never be worked out. However, if that is the case, it may require some type of professional or family intervention to get things moving forward towards harmony, for the sake of everyone involved.

If you are dealing with a HIS BABY MAMA situation, what should you do, or better yet, should you do anything? What are your options? Take the time to really evaluate the situation, and be honest with yourself and your feelings. And make sure you are not trying to make something a situation due to your own insecurities or issues with your baby daddy.

If you are a Baby Mama, like so many are - lets make sure we are on our job of being a good parent, making sound decisions, being good role models and not putting our child(ren) in any situation that is detrimental to their health or happiness. And be careful who you bring around your child(ren), ask questions, watch, listen and be relentless in your search for true Love, and for God's sake - have some Self Esteem!

We will definitely be revisiting this topic as I have much to say. Please share your thoughts, stories, questions or concerns, thank you.

#TeamBabyMomma #22