Are you in a relationship with a man who has children, or have you ever been in one? What was it like, did he and his baby mama have a good relationship, and were they able to co-parent in a harmonious way?
Personally, I have been in many relationships with men who had children, some serious and some not so serious. I have experienced the ones who always had something negative to say about their child's mother or some who were probably still sleeping with their baby mama, but tried so hard to hide that fact by having mean or bad things to say about her. Either way, why is it so hard for men/women to move on and co-parent in a loving and healthy way?
What is it about HIS BABY MAMA? Is HIS BABY MAMA making it difficult for him to have a relationship with his child? Is HIS BABY MAMA in a relationship herself and dealing with a guy who is insecure about the child's father? Is HIS BABY MAMA still in love with him, and have not gotten over the fact that they are no longer together? Is HIS BABY MAMA actually a nice woman who he may not be over?
There are so many scenarios, some that can actually evolve into wonderful functioning co-parent relationships, but may require both parents getting over him/herself & working things out for the sake of their children. If both would look at the situation in terms of being adults who use to have some kind of love for each other, and wish each other the best and do what needs to be done in order to be the best parents they can be...Change Gonna Come! And unfortunately there are those scenarios that seem like they will never be worked out. However, if that is the case, it may require some type of professional or family intervention to get things moving forward towards harmony, for the sake of everyone involved.
If you are dealing with a HIS BABY MAMA situation, what should you do, or better yet, should you do anything? What are your options? Take the time to really evaluate the situation, and be honest with yourself and your feelings. And make sure you are not trying to make something a situation due to your own insecurities or issues with your baby daddy.
If you are a Baby Mama, like so many are - lets make sure we are on our job of being a good parent, making sound decisions, being good role models and not putting our child(ren) in any situation that is detrimental to their health or happiness. And be careful who you bring around your child(ren), ask questions, watch, listen and be relentless in your search for true Love, and for God's sake - have some Self Esteem!
We will definitely be revisiting this topic as I have much to say. Please share your thoughts, stories, questions or concerns, thank you.
#TeamBabyMomma #22
Monday, September 20, 2010
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I totally agree with you #22! In 2010, it's about being the best you can be in any given situation. I think that women in general are quick to think the worst of one another -- especially if we feel that our realtionship is threatened.
ReplyDeleteNice blog and very informative too. I am sure u will get a lot of followers, not only from moms but pas too. Success!!!!
ReplyDeleteI am having a hard time with my Boyfriend's babymama situation, I love him so much, but I cannot get over the fact that he impregnated a woman before me that will be in our lives forever! My children will be second and I will have to deal with the fact I will NEVER be his first child's mother. This hurts, especially when I tried to be so careful with my intimate partners and especially not have children before I was married.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that you are having a hard time with your boyfriend's baby momma situation.
ReplyDeleteBut lets look at this from a realistic stand point; if you are in a loving relationship with this man and he is treating you good, not disrespecting you, and handling his business with his child - meaning not bringing drama into your world i.e. his baby momma calling you - talking 'ish, telling you they are still together, or calling about senseless things when he is chilling with you, then there shouldn't be a problem.
I'm not saying ignore your feelings, but if you want a man that does not have a child then you have to decide if getting in a relationship with a man who has a child was the best thing for you to do. Clearly, this is really bothering you. YOU have some questions that you need to ask yourself and be honest with yourself. Can you move forward, lets say he asks you to marry him...with these feelings about him already having a child?
Everything you mentioned had to do with you...you stated "I would have to deal with the fact that I will never be his first child's mother." This statement shows that you have to really decide if this is the best situation for you, because it's obvious that you have envisioned your life a certain way with regards to marraige and having children.
I wish you luck! Be true to what you want for yourself, and be sure of what you can or cannot handle, it's ok to be true to YOU:) Don't throw something good away out of fear. I know you will make the best decision for you moving forward.
Peace and Love.
Baby Momma #22